The Sacred Cows Of Yellowstone

THOU SHALT NOT SPEAK EVIL OF THESE

I have a bit of pity & some sympathy for the poor journalists in this part of the country. I just plain pity the journalists in the rest of the country.

When it comes to reporting about Yellowstone National Park they have a long list of topics that they cannot report about. They have, after all, advertising and public sentiment to deal with. The scribes, either through fear or ignorance refuse to address the problems caused by the Sacred Cows of Yellowstone.

Reporting about Yellowstone is also fraught with pitfalls propagated by the NPS. The NPS has fostered a picture of perfection to be projected about the park – after all, it’s their job as chief cheerleader. But a few honest remarks about the problems in Yellowstone would go a long way toward correcting them. Horror of horrors – tell the truth.

Currently it’s the Sacred Bison that these sages of the press are skating around. They have not addressed the bison policy, overpopulation, or the destruction that the bison do to the Yellowstone prairies or the environment in general.

Worry not about the poor little babies. Worry about Yellowstone National Park. Reduce the herd to a size that is in keeping with honest preservation of the environment and the ecology of Yellowstone.

However, you can bet that many local reporters will continue to use unprofessional inflammatory language when protecting this sacred cow – it generates readership and advertising. After all, Shakespeare played to the crowd, [For some sane and non-inflammatory reporting read Glenn Hockett.]

The SACRED ELK is another scourge of the Yellowstone incubation mentality. They are raised on invasive grasses in Mammoth. They are so habituated that they lounge on the lawns and the old parade grounds. The park administration does not ticket visitors, (see Sacred Rules and Sacred Rangers below,) nor do they consider the plight of these critters that are rapidly losing their wild nature. (See 2004 video of elk charging and goring visitor.)

Another is the SACRED DIESEL TOUR BUS; a conveyance that does nothing to enhance the visitor experience that the NPS is always talking about. It slows traffic, crowds roads, blocks vistas, and spews carcinogens and other pollution into the atmosphere of the park. It is far worse for Yellowstone and its visitors than a few snowmobiles. This sacred cow should never be attacked because it generates enormous amounts of revenue and concurrently herds humans into manageable groups.

Too, the SACRED MOTOR HOME; with four wealthy humans taking up the space that 40 less affluent humans use in the tour bus. These $200,000 – or much more behemoths, are usually pulling a $50,000 Hummer [or some such.] This travesty of the roadway has double immunity because it is also the preferred mode of transportation for the seasonal help that Xanterra & Delaware North hire. These monsters are also allowed preferred parking in the park campgrounds, denying visitors space. Mention it not!

Then, the SACRED EMPLOYEE PUB, is verboten. This is akin to the military providing slot machines to the troops and fostering gambling addictions. Could this be happening with alcohol in Yellowstone? Heaven forbid. Don’t let the public know about this.

And mention not the SACRED GEYSER GAZERS that are allowed special access to off-trail areas and thermal features. Sign up and you too can leave your footprints and ball caps in the mud.

Don’t dare to explore the activities of the SACRED SKIERS. These bota-totin’, off-trail-shoutin’, skinny-dipping denizens that supposedly are much nicer to the park than the average winter visitor are the darlings of journalists and bloggers alike. Gimme a break. The SACRED BICYCLISTS are also saints and never go off trail or stress the fauna by getting too close. Both of these groups of saints are protected by the Sacred Rules and Sacred Rangers, (see below.) Fear the wrath of ‘greenies’ if you tell the truth about either of these two cows.

By no means investigate the SACRED RULES that allow visitors to move closer to bison and elk than to bears; despite the fact that more visitors [in their stupidity] are harmed by bison and elk than bears. And certainly don’t mention the SACRED RANGERS that refuse, (by order,) to issue tickets for these infractions against the bison and the elk. This is law enforcement tempered by the almighty tourist dollar.

The SACRED BOMBARDIER is a genuine offense to reason, environmental sanity, fiscal responsibility, and public safety. Don’t honestly report on these cows of the winter landscape – you’ll incur the wrath of moneyed visitor interests and motorized recreationists across the country.

The most egregious sin of the Yellowstone Hacks is their failure to recognize the travesty of the SACRED FLY FISHERMAN. These ’sportsmen’ are backed by both park personnel and the giant fly fishing industry. The park has rules to enable the destruction of streams in order to placate this cow. The ‘incubator mentality’ is best viewed in the realm of fishing and the stocking history of the NPS. It’s time to fix this!

Without the SACRED FLY FISHERMAN, and his commercial lobby, the New Zealand Mud Snail would not be in Yellowstone. Without the SACRED FLY FISHERMAN the previously pristine Firehole River would be allowed to produce its native mayflies, stone flies, midges, and caddis flies in a natural fashion; without the depredation of non-native species. But these creatures have no cheerleaders, (nor does Yellowstone’s ecology.) So, the fly fisherman is allowed to keep his invasive trout, introduced from afar. Enhance the visitor experience at the expense of the native species.

The Yellowstone fishing regulations encourage; nay, facilitate destruction of park resources by mandating “torture and release” of invasive species. This is blatant disregard for the intent of preservation of the park resources. But, without the SACRED FLY FISHERMAN many dollars would be lost by the preservation and restoration of a once beautiful stream. Hacks don’t dare address this – they fish. And so does Brad Pitt – bring on the rationalizations for avoiding this topic.

There are many others of course. But there is far too little jaundice in the eyes of the regional hacks. They too have bought into the Picture-Perfect-Yellowstone myth. Conventional wisdom always wins – no matter how wrong – just look at the political and environmental mess our parks are in.

Other Sacred Cows that are running rampant in Yellowstone include: the SACRED TOUR GUIDE, the SACRED PARKING VIOLATOR, the SACRED SEASONAL RANGER, the SACRED WOMAN SUPERINTENDENT, the SACRED BUILDING CLUTTER, the SACRED SLUMS OF GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES, the SACRED BUILDING BOOM AND THE ATTENDANT WASTE DISPOSAL PROBLEMS INCLUDING SEWAGE, and many, many, more.

Just what has happened to investigative journalism in our National Parks? Or do the American Public not want to know? This is worse than Fantasy Land.