Make The Parks Profitable ??

WE NEED A FIRST CLASS YELLOWSTONE

Now that the National Park Service has turned Yellowstone over to concessionaires in the winter, it’s time to plan to do the same for the summer.

snoch-01.jpgThe winter use plan in Yellowstone is about finalized and it is going to accomplish two things that the National Park Service has always wanted: 1) Limit visitation to only the richest people & 2) encourage and subsidize privatization by commercial interests.

Now that a trip to Old Faithful costs about $100 per person it’s time to make sure that the summer-time pays it’s way too. After all, if visitation is down & entrance fees are up – and still the poor people don’t come – something has to be done.

A recent post by Jim Macdonald in THE MAGIC OF YELLOWSTONE sees the possibilities. Continued expansion of private funding, continued exploitation of wage slaves, and continued neglect of park resources and facilities are envisioned – unless we act.

Sadly, he sees not see enough. conofaith.jpgWith a bit of creativity we can turn Yellowstone into a first class operation and let the NPS have all the credit. All we have to do is look to see how far down the path we have already come.

Monopoly is the key to a really classy park. Conoco already has a monopoly on the service stations. By pretending that the other two concessionaires own YPSS there is only one brand of gasoline available. And they are going to keep it that way by bribing the Yellowstone Park Foundation.

oldiz.jpgIt’s time to get off the dime and look for the dollars. The American Public deserves the best. We should allow professionals to run the park.

The most highly qualified professional attraction firm should be given sole responsibility for the tours, attractions, fishing, hiking, camping and other outdoor activities.

This has been considered and it will happen in our children’s lifetime. The Walt Disney Corporation is immanently qualified. They know how to make money and they know how to entertain. This shall come to pass. The American public deserves no less!

diznor.jpgThe affluent visitor can ride the monorail from Mammoth to Old Faithful. They can see wildlife and Norris Geyser Basin along the way. The electric power will be clean and quiet. No walking on the grass. No disturbing the bison. No dangerous encounters with bears. Planters Peanuts and Coca Cola will be served.

A recording will narrate the trip and since it will be computerized there will be no need for expensive rangers. The roads will be eliminated and reclaimed. The only disturbance will be the small footings for the pilings. There will be no need to dodge bison scat, or human scat for that matter.

At Old Faithful the visitors can see a movie rather than exit the air conditioned station and get a better view of Old Faithful than if they were on the plastic boardwalk. What more could the NPS desire? What more does affluent America want?

walfaith.jpgMuch more, you say? Well, then, let them have it. With pollution and crowded roads eliminated there will still be a need to buy trinkets and mementos.

Let the NPS prosper: Wal Mart to the rescue. The current crop of junk from foreign lands can be no worse than the recycled and reconditioned junk from Wal Mart. And, they have the distribution system in place. They can provide everything that the affluent visitor needs. A spur line can deliver visitors to the entrance of the Old Faithful Wal Mart with just a simple upgrade.

A monorail solves so many environmental problems that it is inevitable. It will cost BILLIONS! But that’s OK, it’s all private funding. Remove the roads and the corridors for pollution & invasive species, (reduce that budget to 0.) Eliminate the “government slums” that the NPS employees live in and reclaim the land, (reduce that budget to 0.) Abolish the waste treatment plants that always need repair and pose a distinct environmental threat, (reduce that budget to 0.) Eliminate parking lots and the dangerous boardwalks, (reduce that budget to 0.)

Without automobile access the summer will be just as clean as winter – CLEANER! All of the built environment that is not on the National Register of Historic Places will be eliminated. The remaining structures can be visited as museums – just buy the upgrade to visit “CANYON LAND,” “THUMB LAND,” “LAKE LAND,” “BECHLER LAND,” and of course “FAITHFUL LAND.”

go-get-em-nps.jpgDo you want to camp? The monorail will deliver you to the trailhead and you can ride a horse, or mule, to the prepared sites. The tents are already set up. You will be pampered and catered to and you will always be in touch with the outside world because ATT-Cingular has got you covered.

Want to fish? Sterilized waders come with your guide package: as do the correct flies, correct rod, correct staff, correct location, correct presentation, correct guide, and a guarantee. What more can you want?

Computer engineers figured out a long time ago that the best way to avoid noise in the system was to push the dirt to the edges and make the contacts there. Integrated circuits have their contacts, (and the dirt and noise that goes with them,) at the edge. The NPS can learn from this. The economic impacts will thrill the entrepreneurs in the gateway slums.

All hotels and other visitor services will be removed from the sensitive interior of Yellowstone National Park. Trash collection, waste disposal, taverns, pubs and restaurants will be eliminated from the serenity of the “IN COUNTRY.” All of these things now performed at a loss by the NPS will be eliminated.

da-jdj.jpgThe NPS staff can be reduced to very few employees. The Judge is a political plum that will stay. The park offices will contain primarily bookkeepers and accountants, (with flat green visors,) to make sure that the NPS gets its cut.

taktic.jpgThe Chief Ticket Taker will be in charge of making sure that no one brings in children without paying an appropriate fee. And all will be right with the world. Pollution will be eliminated, visitors will be accommodated, the environment will be protected, the riff-raff will be locked out, there will be no budget deficits, capitalism will thrive, environmentalists will be happy, and the mold will be cast. Commercialization

The NPS employees of Yellowstone National Park like to say, “It happens first in Yellowstone.” Boy does it. And it’s happening right now and will contimue to happen. Being first does not make it best – or does it?

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